When your husband gives you one of the following excuses, you can smile because you know what it really means: “I’m going fishing.” What this really means is: “I’m going to stand by a stream with a stick in my hand all day, while the fish swim by in complete safety.” “It’s a guy thing.” Really means: “There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical.” “Can I help with dinner?” Really means: “Why isn’t it already on the table?” “Uh-huh.” “Yes, dear.” Really means: Absolutely nothing. It’s a conditioned response. “It would take too long to explain.” Really means: “I have no idea how it works.” “We’re going to be late.” Really means: “Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac.” “Take a break, honey, you’re working too hard.” Really means: “I can’t hear the game over the vacuum cleaner.” “That’s interesting, dear.” Really means: “Are you still talking?” “I’ve got reasons for what I’m doing.” Really means: “And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon.” “I can’t find it.” Really means: “It didn’t fall into my outstretched hands, so I’m clueless.” “You know I could never love anyone else.” Really means: “I’m used to the way you yell at me and realize it could be worse.” “You look terrific.” Really means: “Please don’t try on one more outfit. I’m starving.” “I’m not lost. I know exactly where we are.” Really means: “No one will ever see us alive again.”

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