Diary of A Bible

JAN 15TH I’ve been resting quietly for a week, for the first few nights of the week my owner read me regularly but now seems to have forgotten me.

FEB 2ND Owner used me for a short time after dinner, looking up a few references. Then I was taken to church.

MAR 7TH After lying on the hall table after my visit to church, was dusted and put back in my old place again.

APR 2ND Busy day! Owner was helping with an event and had to look up several references. Had an awful time finding one.

MAY 5TH In the lap of my owner’s Grandmother all afternoon. She is here on a visit.

MAY 6TH In Grandma’s lap again. She spent most of the time on 1 Corinthians 13.

MAY 7,8,9 In Grandma’s lap every afternoon. It’s a comfortable spot. Sometimes she reads me, sometimes she talks to me.

MAY 10TH Grandma has gone, she kissed me goodbye. I’m back in my old place.

JUNE 3RD Had a four leaf clover stuck in me today.

JULY 1ST Packed in a trunk with clothes and other things. Possibly going on holiday.

JULY 7-10 Still lying in trunk.

JULY 15TH Back home in old place. Can’t understand why I went.

AUG 1ST Have some magazines, a novel and an old hat on top of me. Wish they would take them off.

SEPT 5TH Dusted again.

SEPT 10TH Used by my owner’s sister, Mary for a few minutes. She was writing a letter to a friend whose brother had died and she wanted an appropriate verse.

SEPT 13TH Dusted again. If your bible could talk what would it say about you? Now read your Bible and look up Joshua 1:8

SOME REASONS WHY GOD CREATED WOMAN?

1. God worried that Adam would be lost in the Garden of Eden because he wouldn’t ask for directions.

2. God knew that someday Adam would need someone to hand him the TV remote. (Parenthetically, it has been noted that men don’t want to see what’s ON television, they want to see WHAT ELSE is on.)

3. God knew that Adam would never make a doctor’s appointment. God knew that when Adam’s fig leaf wore out, he would never buy a new one for himself.

4. God knew that Adam would not remember to take out the rubbish.

5. God wanted man to be fruitful and multiply, but he knew Adam would never be able to handle labour pains and childbirth.

6. As “keeper of the garden,” Adam would need help in finding his tools.

7. Adam needed someone to blame for the Apple incident, and for anything else that was really his fault.

8. As the Bible says: “It is not good for man to be alone.”

9. God stepped back, looked at Adam, and declared: “I can do better than that!!”

What kind are you?

A lot of Christians are like wheelbarrows not good unless pushed.

Some are like canoes they need to be paddled.

Some are like kites if you don’t keep a string on them, they fly away.

Some are like kittens they are more contented when petted.

Some are like footballs you can’t tell which way they will bounce next.

Some are like balloons full of air and ready to blow up.

Some are like trailers they have to be pulled.

Some are like neon lights they keep going on and off.

Others are letting the Holy Spirit lead them. And, we would like to add, some are like a good watch: open faced, pure gold, quietly busy and full of good works.

Funny . . .

Funny how big a £100 note looks when you take it to church, and how small it looks when you take it to the shopping mall.

Funny how long it seams to serve God for an hour, but how quickly it seams to watch 60 minutes of football.

Funny how long a couple of hours spent at church seams, but how short they are when watching a movie.

Funny how we can’t think of anything to say when we pray, but don’t have difficulty thinking of things to talk about to a friend.

Funny how we get thrilled when a football game goes into extra time, but we complain when a sermon is longer than the regular time.

Funny how hard it is to read a chapter in the Bible, but how easy it is to read the newspaper or the best selling novel.

Funny how people want to get a front seat at any game or concert, but scramble to get a back seat at church services.

Funny how we need 2 or 3 weeks advance notice to fit a church event into our schedule, but can adjust our schedule for other events at the last moment.

Funny how hard it is for people to learn a simple gospel well enough to tell others, but how simple it is for the same people to understand and repeat gossip.

Funny how we believe what the newspapers says, but question what the Bible says.

Funny how everyone wants to go to heaven, providing they do not have to believe, or think, or say, or do anything.

Are You A Prisoner of Your Own Making?

There is a wonderful story about the famous escape artist, Harry Houdini that illustrates the theme of this issue of my newsletter. As the story goes, the great Houdini often boasted about how he could escape from any confinement or jail cell.

One day, he was challenged by the keeper of a new, high tech, high security jail – purported to be escape proof. Houdini accepted the challenge and was given a specific amount of time to complete this seemingly impossible task. Poor Harry tried everything with no success. He attempted to pick and manipulate the lock and every other trick he knew. The lock did not budge. After many hours, with his body drenched in sweat, he collapsed against the door, which opened.

You see, it had never been locked in the first place. It was all in his mind! The great Houdini was held prisoner by his own thoughts. His thinking kept him from breaking out of the jail cell. He believed the door was locked, believed it would be difficult to open and, sure enough, it was. How many of us are held prisoner by our own thoughts? How many times do we create our own “jails” in our minds? How many things have you wanted to do but did not because you thought you would fail? Are your thoughts and beliefs keeping you a prisoner in your own mind?

Remember the statement made by Henry Ford who said, “Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right.” Have you given much thought about how your attitude, whether you are an optimist or a pessimist, affects you business, organization or school?

Have you thought about how it affects you personally? And what about the team you are a part of? What is optimism? It is a belief that things in our past were good for us, even if that means they were hard and taught us lessons. It is also the belief that things will be better in the future.

Here are some contrasts between optimism and pessimism and how they affect us: Optimism breathes life into you each day Pessimism drains you Optimism helps you to take needed risks Pessimism plays it safe and never accomplishes much Optimism improves those around you Pessimism drags them down Optimism inspires people to great heights Pessimism deflates people to new lows There is only one way that optimism and pessimism are the same, and that is they are both self-fulfilling. If you are an optimist, you will generally find that good things happen to you. And if you are a pessimist, you will find yourself in the not-so-good situations more often than not.

So can a person just become an optimist? Yes! We can choose to look at the world any way we want to. We can choose to look at the world and think the worst, or we can tell ourselves the good things about each situation. As you find yourself looking at your enterprise, begin to view it through the eyes of an optimist, and you will reap the rewards listed above, and so will the people around you. Have you ever met a successful pessimist? Become an optimist and see your world change before your eyes!

Taki Miyashina

The Lord is my Pace-setter, I shall not rush, He makes me stop and rest for quiet intervals, He provides me with images of stillness, which restore my serenity. He leads me in ways of efficiency; Through calmness of mind, And His guidance is peace. Even though I have a great many things to accomplish each day, I will not fret for His presence is here. His timelessness, His all importance will keep me in balance. He prepares refreshment and renewal in the midst of my activity. By anointing my mind with His oils of tranquillity, my cup of joyous energy overflows. Surely harmony and effectiveness shall be the fruits of my hours. For I shall walk in the pace of my Lord and dwell in His house for ever.       Taki Miyashina, Japanese Pastor

THE PARADOXICAL COMMANDMENTS                                                                          By Dr K M Keith

People are illogical, unreasonable and self centred – Love them anyway. If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives – Do good anyway. If you are successful you will win false friends and true enemies – Succeed anyway. The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow – Do good anyway. Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable – Be honest and frank anyway. The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds – Think big anyway. People favour underdogs but follow only top dogs – Fight for a few underdogs anyway. What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight – Build anyway. People really need help but may attack you if you do help them – Help people anyway. Give the world the best you have and you may get kicked in the teeth – Give the world the best you have anyway.

Christian One Liners

Don’t let your worries get the best of you, remember, Moses started out as a basket case. Some people are kind, polite, and sweet-spirited until you try to sit in their pews. Many folks want to serve God, but only as advisors. It is easier to preach ten sermons than it is to live one. The good Lord didn’t create anything without a purpose, but mosquitoes come close. When you get to your wit’s end, you’ll find God lives there. People are funny; they want the front of the bus, the middle of the road, and the back of the church. Opportunity may knock once, but temptation bangs on your front door forever. Quit griping about your church; if it was perfect, you couldn’t belong in it. If the church wants a better pastor, it only needs to pray for the one it has. God Himself does not propose to judge a man until he is dead. So why should you? Some minds are like concrete thoroughly mixed up and permanently set. Peace starts with a smile. I don’t know why some people change churches; what difference does it make which one you stay home from? A lot of church members who are singing “Standing on the Promises” are just sitting on the premises. We were called to be witnesses, not lawyers or judges. Be ye fishers of men. You catch them – He’ll clean them

Smells Like Rain    

A cold March wind danced around the dead of night in Dallas as the doctor walked into the small hospital room of Diana Blessing. She was still groggy from surgery. That afternoon of March 10, 1991, complications had forced Diana, only 24-weeks pregnant, to undergo an emergency Caesarean to deliver the couple’s new daughter, Dana Lu Blessing.

God’s miracle

God’s miracle

“There’s only a 10-percent chance she will live through the night, and even then, if by some slim chance she does make it, her future could be a very cruel one” There was never a moment when Dana suddenly grew stronger. But as the weeks went by, she did slowly gain an ounce of weight here and an ounce of strength there. At last, when Dana turned two months old. her parents were able to hold her in their arms for the very first time. One blistering afternoon in the summer of 1996 near her home in Irving, Texas, Dana was sitting in her mother’s lap in the bleachers of a local ball park where her brother Dustin’s baseball team was practicing. As always, Dana was chattering non-stop with her mother and several other adults sitting nearby when she suddenly fell silent. Hugging her arms across her chest, little Dana asked, “Do you smell that?” Smelling the air and detecting the approach of a thunderstorm, Diana replied, “Yes, it smells like rain.” Dana closed her eyes and again asked, “Do you smell that?” Once again, her mother replied, “Yes, I think we’re about to get wet. It smells like rain.” Still caught in the moment, Dana shook her head, patted her thin shoulders with her small hands and loudly announced, “No, it smells like Him. It smells like God when you lay your head on His chest.” Tears blurred Diana’s eyes as Dana happily hopped down to play with the other children. Before the rains came, her daughter’s words confirmed what Diana and all the members of the extended Blessing family had known, at least in their hearts, all along. During those long days and nights of her first two months of her life, when her nerves were too sensitive for them to touch her, God was holding Dana on His chest and it is His loving scent that she remembers so well.

Excuses

When your husband gives you one of the following excuses, you can smile because you know what it really means: “I’m going fishing.” What this really means is: “I’m going to stand by a stream with a stick in my hand all day, while the fish swim by in complete safety.” “It’s a guy thing.” Really means: “There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical.” “Can I help with dinner?” Really means: “Why isn’t it already on the table?” “Uh-huh.” “Yes, dear.” Really means: Absolutely nothing. It’s a conditioned response. “It would take too long to explain.” Really means: “I have no idea how it works.” “We’re going to be late.” Really means: “Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac.” “Take a break, honey, you’re working too hard.” Really means: “I can’t hear the game over the vacuum cleaner.” “That’s interesting, dear.” Really means: “Are you still talking?” “I’ve got reasons for what I’m doing.” Really means: “And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon.” “I can’t find it.” Really means: “It didn’t fall into my outstretched hands, so I’m clueless.” “You know I could never love anyone else.” Really means: “I’m used to the way you yell at me and realize it could be worse.” “You look terrific.” Really means: “Please don’t try on one more outfit. I’m starving.” “I’m not lost. I know exactly where we are.” Really means: “No one will ever see us alive again.”

Donkey story

A donkey fell down a well, don’t ask me how, he just did. The farmer eventually gave up the struggle to get him out and decided the kind thing to do was to fill in the well and put the animal out of its misery. As the earth got shovelled in the donkey set up a great struggling with some loud braying, and then fell silent. After putting in several feet of dirt the farmer paused, and peered over. The donkey, instead of letting the soil and stones cover him, simply shook it off and stepped on it, every step taking him higher towards safety. The moral? Life has a tendency to shovel dirt on us; when it does we must shake it off and use it as a stepping stone to take us higher. Success is the child of drudgery and perseverance. It cannot be coaxed or bribed; pay the price and it is yours. Perseverance will always outlast persecution. If a hundred-foot oak tree had the mind of a human, it would only grow to be ten feet tall!

Some Words of Wisdom

1. Don’t ever wave your trophies before the Lord.

2. People will learn more from your scars than your trophies.

3. A fool would read the bible one time and say “I know all about the Lord.” But a wise man would read the bible ten times and say “I know very little.”

4. Before the Lord advances his church, the enemy will send out the flakes.

5. The false prophet is usually the first to accuse the true prophet.

6. If you’re pulling your friend’s car out of a ditch, and you notice your car moving closer to the ditch faster than your friend’s car is moving out, then cut the rope and find another solution. You can’t help someone out of a pit, when you’re not free yourself. First get free, then get other out.

7. The worst thing we can get from the enemy is a reward. The reason we don’t gamble, is not because we might lose, it is because we might win. With the devil’s reward comes his bondage

8. If you choose to believe the lies of your enemy, it makes his job of destroying you much easier.

9. When you jump into a river it will carry you to where it is going. If the river is going to a good destination, you do not need a paddle. But when not, you must paddle hard. When the Lord speaks thru you, put down your paddle.

3 Types of offences

There are three types of offences. The first is a direct offence. This type of offence is when someone offends you. Someone may have said something or you could have wrongly perceived what they have said. A good friend could come to you with some godly counsel thinking you could receive it, but you couldn’t and you become offended. This type of offence often occurs between friends.

The second type of offence is a given offence. This offence occurs when you offend another person. Usually, you did not try to offend them. You may have been trying to be honest with a friend and they became offended. Maybe you had a bad day and did or said something wrong that offended another person. The higher a person rises in leadership, the easier it becomes to unintentionally offend others. Many people who are heads of corporations begin to find themselves alone. Many of the friends they have had over the years desert them because of a wrong perception. Often the saying is true, “It is lonely at the top”.

The third type of offence is a borrowed offence. The reason this type of offence is “the most stupid sin”, is because it had nothing to do with you. Another person offended someone and they brought that offence to you. You end up choosing to join them in their offence. It is the easiest offence to accept, but the most stupid of all! You listen to someone complain, and rather than trying to help them, you take up their cause and become offended. Many Christians say, “You should never listen to anyone complain”. But this thinking is wrong. We are called to minister not only to physically afflicted people, but to emotionally afflicted people as well. The thing we must guard against in helping others is accepting their anger or bitterness. We should turn them to the Word of God and with the compassion of the Holy Spirit, minister healing to their lives.

The Names of the Lord

“From the rising of the sun to the place where it sets, the name of the Lord is to be praised” Ps 113:3 Some names of the Lord: El-Shaddai – All sufficient one Adonai – Master Jehovah-Nissi – God is my banner, God is my miracle Jehovah-Rophe – God is my healer and restorer Jehovah-Jireh – God is my provider Jehovah-M’kaddesh – God who sanctifies me and sets me apart Jehovah-Shalom – God is my peace Jehovah-Rohi – God is my Shepherd Elohim – Judge, Creator, Mighty and Strong El-Olam – Everlasting God, God of eternity Jehovah-Tsidkenu – God my righteousness Jehovah-Shammah – God who is there Jehovah-Shabaoth – Lord of hosts Abhir – Mighty One Kadosh – Holy One El Roi – God who sees and opens my eyes Palet – My deliverer Yesha – God my saviour El-Amon – Faithful God Cether – My hiding place El-Nahsah – God who forgives me El-Simchah Giyl – God is my exceeding joy Rumn Ro’sh – God who lifts up my head Elohim-Yachal – God who is able Elohim Yakol – God of hope

Noah’s Ark

Everything we need to know about life, we learn from Noah’s Ark

The woodpeckers got to go!

The woodpeckers got to go!

1. Don’t miss the boat.

2. Remember that we are all in the same boat.

3. Plan ahead. It wasn’t raining when Noah built the Ark.

4. Stay fit When you’re 600 years old, someone may ask you to do something really big.

5. Don’t listen to critics; just get on with the job that needs to be done.

6. Build your future on high ground.

7. For safety’s sake, travel in pairs.

8. Speed isn’t always an advantage. The snails were on board with the cheetahs.

9. When you’re stressed, float a while.

10. Remember, the Ark was built by amateurs; the Titanic by professionals.

11. No matter the storm, when you are with God, there’s always a rainbow waiting.

Recall Notice

The Maker of all human beings is recalling all units manufactured, regardless of make or year, due to the serious defect in the primary and central component of the heart.

This is due to a wilful malfunction in the original prototype, units code named Adam and Eve, resulting in the reproduction of the same defect in all subsequent units. This defect has been technically termed, “Sub-sequential Internal Non-morality,” or more commonly known as SIN, as it is primarily expressed.

Some other symptoms: Loss of direction Foul vocal emissions Amnesia of origin Lack of peace and joy Selfish or violent behaviour Depression or confusion in the mental component Fearfulness Idolatry Rebellion The Manufacturer, Who is neither liable nor at fault for this defect, is providing factory authorized repair and service free of charge to correct this SIN defect. The Repair Technician, Jesus, has most generously offered to bear the entire burden of the staggering cost of these repairs.

There is no additional fee required. The Maker of all human beings is recalling all units The free phone number to call for repair in all areas is: 0800 P-R-A-Y-E-R. Once connected, please upload your burden of SIN through the REPENTANCE procedure. Next, download ATONEMENT from the Repair Technician, Jesus, into the heart component. No matter how big or small the SIN defect is, Jesus will replace it with: Love Joy Peace Patience Kindness Goodness Faithfulness Gentleness Self-control Please see the operating manual, HOLY BIBLE, for further details on the use of these fixes.

As an added upgrade, the Manufacturer has made available to all repaired units a facility enabling direct monitoring and assistance from a resident Maintenance Technician, The Holy Ghost. Repaired units need only make Him welcome and He will take up permanent residence on the premises! WARNING: Continuing to operate the human being unit without correction voids the Manufacturer’s warranty, exposing the unit to dangers and problems too numerous to list and will result in the human unit being permanently impounded.

For free emergency service, call on JESUS. DANGER: The human being units not responding to this recall action will have to be scrapped in the furnace. The SIN defect will not be permitted to enter Heaven so as to prevent contamination of that facility.